Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
