I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
