hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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