The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
