I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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