This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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