opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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