sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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