I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
