i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
