Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
