You work out of a Hotel?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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