chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
