Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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