Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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