I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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