My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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