I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You dont lie about slip and slides
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
