she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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