I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize