ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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