it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
