I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
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I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
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There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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