I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
