smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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