Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
