im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Hello my rib-scented angel!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
