I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize