he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
