This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
