Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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