So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
