2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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