i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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