just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Oh god it's open bar.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
