I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
