i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
