Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
