So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
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I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
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My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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