I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
