I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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