Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
