My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
