I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
