i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
How external is "for external use only"?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
