She's JV to your varsity
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
