Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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