No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
