You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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