Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
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Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
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Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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