puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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