did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
