made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
How does one acquire holy water?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
