so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
