**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
