It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
