When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
