Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
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