chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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