He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
