i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
