and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
