'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
