I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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