He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
