Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My vagina just recognized that song.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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