spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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