jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
