Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
