he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
This house was built for laser tag.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
