You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
