a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
