I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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