have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Hippo gnu deer
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
