just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
